Kylie Moore, Charlotte Agenda: Millennials, Marriage & Kids

Carolina Focus
Monday, January 22nd

Kylie Moore, Charlotte Agenda: Millennials, Marriage & Kids

00:53:59

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I'm mark Thomas misses Carolina focused on who's 11101993. WBP. 1079 the wind. 1025610. WS busy. We're we'll look at issues events that happened to defect Carolina's Charlotte region would you welcome. So let you be join us here this morning once again. On the program. And now one of the things that your we always look at social trends. The way life goes I mean that's because that's what the fox analyzes how. Wife goes. So that's what we try to take a focus on. And one of the things that has been trending down over the past few decades. Is the idea of marriage and also having children the birthrate among. Many categories has been declining. This has been true since the pretty much since the industrial revolution. Whereas. People tend to not have as many children the more prosperity to more welfare acquire. The birthrate tends to. Decline and we're seeing that and even again today. But maybe you know more dramatic fashion. Was the millennial generation and joining us now from Charlotte agenda once again Kylie more with Cheryl agenda welcome back to Carolina focus think you. Notices. The whole marriage topping your single I am. And I'm not I mean I have been single for quite a few years of hello. But. The millennial generation use showing some. Alarming declines. It may be alarming isn't the right word of any reader where you're coming from via it's alarming. Millennial aren't getting married in May not having kids why. Up at a caught alarming I think they I mean we're definitely still getting married but it. If you look at the trend is the number of oneness that even in Mecklenburg County it's with kids it's going down and we're. Weird traveling Warner coaching career were doing things for ourselves instead of having those kids in a pretty steady fashion. Then why do you think that is is that the prosperity of the colonials are experiencing are they too rich to have kids and get married. Outlook are gone I don't think so. I think it rich that I am not doing very. Happened. We just want different things I think they for the first time we're. Kind of finding out that we get to do we get to go on different cats our parents'. Hands. Were taking nine. In any rest at kids were being selfish and it's not a bad day. If you want it's cool if you'd also want babies that's also fine. Not for everybody is what Tuesday and I don't mean to this point in your life yet. I think people definitely want to. I think people are putting seeing the world and furthering their career offers. Well I think if we look at you know the millennial being with C eighteen to 34 yeah they're roughly. And the marriage rate used. Somewhere around 20% I think. War yeah in the low twenties where as. Studies show surveys if you will from 196260%. Of people that age group queried. Sues a completely different dynamic from that standpoint yet. If people just wait longer. In the north people on average are getting married. In the northeast. The men are getting married at thirty and women are getting married when he. And down here it's 2826. For men and women respectively but. I think it's just we're just waiting longer. Well I think it's the weather. Yet now in particular the weather's nice in you'd get outside you do things get accused you meet people as opposed to being cooped up you know yes for those little long winter months I didn't and I say that's somewhat facetiously. But you know that may be part of it. The fact that. People go hibernate. In the south as much as they do in the north. Yeah pitcher actually going out and doing things and meeting people more so. But I think he'd do people when you go out. That's the thing I think that you got your friends and you don't you don't. What's the word I'm looking for you don't. Story from the heard yet you don't split off. So I don't know if people heard. I don't know if we're meeting as many people is because it which probably hasn't and do with it. Well no we've talked to didn't Jennifer tracker first initial conversation was about. Beating him millennial version in Charlotte and the patterns and finding people and how it's done. If you had mentioned one of the things that that really struck me was he said we need to put on the phones get off Lou the dating apps yelling actually came out people and actually meet people start having conversations yet. Is that. Is it'll larger sense could that be what's actually limiting. One meals in there. Quest to get married if they have if they have a desire. A battle out I wonder. Howl. How old you know having bumble and tender and all these people your fingertips. Am. How that affects. The desire to commit to somebody else is there's always something better. So I wonder if that I don't know. Well I mean that's that's been people who had that attitude for years via the phrase the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Been around for a few weeks it's gonna look let's look people always think well I can do better than this or something better out there and but I think we also have. These. Tennessee expectations. Of perfection. And I think this is driven a lot by. And by media in general particularly Hollywood movies television. They portrayed relationships. And an idyllic. Scenario but it just is not. Realistic by any cash yet apparently they take work. Apparently relationships where the indeed they do. You know there isn't so is in it and I think that's one of the things appear. If you're looking at it and say and you're there somebody better out there you know the person I've been dating for you know six weeks or few months or what have you. Is it living up to my expectations. You know if you if you really stop and think about it. No matter what relationship should you get into particularly marriage. Your your not gonna it's not going to be smooth sailing you know rainbows and sunshine out and there are no lolly pops it doesn't it's that's just not the way it works yes. And you have to work through those bad times. Yeah and I don't think that social media helps with that. Because if you look at. Especially in newly engaged couple there and see strategist. You can like how half how like what is it like to be that happy with one other person. And you kind of forget that. That's their highlight real. You don't actually you're not actually seeing what's happening. So I don't think it social media helps either. With that. And or talk or Carly more with Charlotte agenda about Mullen meals and married she and why they're not getting married and were also are we talking about whether or not having children. In the numbers as before. McAleese said it was it's a selfishness. Amongst Moeller Nielsen this news. Is fairly good sized components. So this is isn't the right. Turn that sounds really that. Yes that he had he. Sound off. You are mine ran to the virtue of selfishness. Actually took a lot of well then title but he stuck with it. Yeah of selfishness is not the word I'm looking for it's I think it's smaller. I wouldn't calm I am IE. And putting off getting am not sure at kids but I don't think that acts selfish thing is just putting myself first because I'd rather hat. I'd rather steer the world I'd rather. You know get ahead in my career. Ramadan. But I got to have a dog bit deficit title for a book yeah. So I think it's just it's just putting yourself first instead of. Being selfish. And that's that over. The overwhelming theme. Is there. A substantial difference between putting yourself first and selfishness. I thinks I think there's an inherent difference yeah we too it would define. I think today it's. Mean do you wing. What's best for me. It can't be selfish it's probably. I think it's probably the most selfless that dew amp T care myself. And so you're looking at a more as an individual responsibility. Yet as opposed to. You know grabbing every grabbing the last cookie and running right right. I'm not try and you know I don't think anybody else try to hurt anyone else by putting themselves first. So I don't think it's. Having its office and I don't think it's. I think it's a bad. So the rules but where does the word is that attitude come from. That you gonna you wanna see the world you wanna have a career and so forth where does that mentality come from. You know obviously were from different generations and I don't remember. Coming up thinking. You know I've got to put my career first because if you look at my so called career. I get to figure out just exactly what that's going to be. And I think a lot of people. These days look at if you if you don't know by the time you get out of high school let's say what you wanna do for your for your life. As far as employment. That somehow you're. You know you're deficient. I hadn't any number of career cases over the year my life is nowhere. Where I thought it would be when I was 25. Yeah I got I mean I hope that not knowing what you wanna do by the time year eighteen or 22 isn't deficient because I think there were probably all. Deficient. But having it having off a wife. And being in a marriage. Was something that. And it was sort of a kind of a default position. It hasn't. It was possibly what do I wanna get married are gonna wanna get married. It was poignant when he yeah it's like who how much going to find this person. And when is that gonna happen. I think that's still a theme because I definitely. Think about that have been out like a filing got the first round so when he union Mary. Finally finally got that finally hit that phase in my life. But I think it's more or. I think a lot of us have the. And the idea that. You can't. You can't just focus on meeting that person. You need to focus on yourself like C do what you wanna do and not person when the time is right we'll show up. She's I like your enemy like the best person in your life when you're doing something your super passion about whether it's. Your career traveling the world order. Any number of things but I I think they're still the idea of winning getting married Harry in meet that person. I just think it. For a lot of people takes a backseat. And I think also give you you talk about if you look at the history of marriage and it's really only able last. What since the industrial revolution and primarily the second half of the twentieth century where marriages were arranged. Yeah where it wasn't set up that you know your parents and me and my parents got together is said yes well we want you know we want our children to be you know be man and wife. Husband and wife. So you there wasn't that. You didn't have to make that decision you'll get it for you so much pressure's off. This must be nice well I mean if you did you make sure you may not at necessarily. And and in this day and age look at that and think you know that would be preferable. But in some ways it is. How how yeah well you don't have to sit there and swipe at dating apps and trying to figure out. The decisions made for you and then you have to mold yourself into. This marriage. But cedes the selfishness it's coming in the putting myself first I'm not and you and I think that's an added to the allotted only have I am not and it justly. That's sounds awful but I don't want to mold myself into this has been chosen for me. I want this thing that I accused in itself. Than me. Not not the person. I was actually started sort of words of Floyd announce that you're currently serves and he just ran an out and I mean and began. I just I want to release it. In my life to myself and Miley and this isn't. Anything. Let's worry. I understand what you're saying. But that's not how life works. Life doesn't fit in to you know him in misses an assault a larger. You know the larger concept of where is your life. As I said I'd you know I never thought. When I was 25 I be doing now. Yeah mile long time we away from anything that I thought was possible. Even at 35. I should Miley thirty's you know who's gonna be running a Marjorie plant in Kansas. If you don't see that there were nodding kansas' into this is no larger and it. I mean it's so you know things happen in things occur yeah. Children being one of them if you get married then you know people say well you know we're gonna decide to have children will meet in for me or something. My little. My wife and I are little loops is now 3637. So you you never know what's gonna happen. As far as that goes and that's that's a life changing thing. I have no it's interesting. Because all the numbers suggest that the amount of people with kids going down. But I felt like dating around talking to people. People definitely and it surprises me and a vice president of many definitely want children. Blake. Plea to the point that I am wondering if I actually changed my mind about. Lake effect to get off the sentence. Which I think adds. I'm a weirdly or to it so I don't know I don't know. So you're saying more millennial men. The use of the you're aware of who want children as opposed to boot millennial women who that you know including yourself. I Democrats and I think it's more that it surprises me how many men. That I've met are sure that the children because I was an impression men like. Rule. I don't one on one patch lifers lines that can I don't wanna have to deal with kids. It's not true. So it I think the numbers are confusing. Well I can and of course we can't speak you know we can speak in general terms. Do you think it's because. The number of men these days who are coming from. Homes where there was not a fodder in there. Do you think that might have be playing a role in that. Beak is in the past few generations. Several decades. In a divorce rates have been you know pretty. Pretty devastating to emerge itself. The idea of you know what was Susan and admired my biological father is somewhere else. Do you think that may be playing into why men may want to have children. Because it's something that they themselves did not have his job. I don't know I a don't have that many. Friends with divorced parents sign on I honestly don't. I don't know IE. I've never been close enough to one of those situations to speak intelligently about it. Because like it to some degree I you know I I agree with you it. Yes men often wanna have children but then again on the other hand. I was not necessarily. Desirous and it wasn't because I necessarily wanted to be a bachelor. This is that I didn't feel that it was something that I was the soon to be good. Yeah and here it was a lot of responsibility. I didn't necessarily want that level of responsibility. BK is I felt the child deserve better than what I was going to be able to give. Gay and item in I don't wanna be held to be there isn't kids and they're being when there 45 by. Yeah that's a price it surprises me to think that. Men are so sure that they. Want kids. I think the kids conversation is just one of those things that. Anyway you slice it it's surprising. I guess and because you know we there again we were talking with Kylie more or Charlotte agenda our initial. Conversation was about the dating aspect of this and I guess since you're not married. That's kind of what you were your drawing from is Jordanian experience in the in in meeting them yet. Is this something that comes up frequently. No initially know or see that's do you bring it up her DUEIG. Way. I I don't know how to I don't know when you're supposed to have that conversation because of its due earlier like low. Back off we uses you take a breather but then don't you also want no way. Their stances on important topics like Mary educates. End of the you know one of the things I guess you know and again I come back to the dating because that and his tends to precede these days the marriage and you can fifth generally have. Hoping that you hope so you had a Dieter to before you actually decide to have to get married yes. And I I guess from the you know. That component of it good news has intrigued me since our first conversation you know earlier last year than about the dating scene and out of the number of articles I've read about. Maloney also dating. In the patterns in the things that are done. You know I've I've been more attuned to haven't been reading more on what people have been writing about this. And what I find surprising is. The casual attitude. So many millennia holes. Particularly women. When it comes to dating and you know having. Relationships. Sexual relationships to be specific. On a much more casual basis. Then. You know at least in my generation or even think I might my kids' generation. What they went through there seems to be. The hook up mentality. It is less a spot in the system a way of doing things. New do you see that as much because I see that as. Very harmful. Is in the whole marriage process. I don't think it's harmful I also don't think today it. I've had this conversation with adults in my life before nobody you'll ever convince me that the hook up culture has not been there in every single generation. Like we just are a little more open about it I think. I well when for example in you're the you're dating app expert what is. Tumblr whatever it sounds humble Clinton bumble and like change and just you know now others. Paid for apps that just okay and now you know it and it's if there and one of the articles that are out of you know it was like well we know we're just gonna go ahead and get together and decide you know. Have casual sex than go our separate ways. I don't think that that has not that that's that's unique to this generation people never really met at bars on together and never talk again in occasionally happen. But it was very much the exception as opposed to having an app on your focuses what are we gonna do tonight media but you know the idea that you know and guy believe. As a guy you go out and annul the odds of that happening. You know you lose your you heard the stories oh yeah actually occur well it doesn't. It and they didn't and other were granted their word there were exceptions and its view of that trend has been growing. You know probably over the last twenty or thirty years. I think it's just easier and it's. Where more open about it but I definitely think that people have hooked up through. It like I don't think that one to answer anything you know all don't know I don't know I would not say that at all but been omitted I'm probably in the takes heat for this. You know there was a word for that whose instead of having an app on your phone you contacted a pimp. Outcome that's that was that's the hook up cut that was the hook up culture that's how you do. This is what's going to happen and you're gonna go your separate ways after the fact people have hints. That's that's yellow circle prostitute so people did not know that's he's definitely. That people were paying for casual sex on the rag and I'm so green I have since. Something well that's what. That's basically what it was. I mean that's how you that's how you know minimally and of course the women mass that was her career that was their you know that's so there was there source of income. And now I see women doing what prostitutes do years ago and not getting paid for it. I think that's fair well. You don't know lol good now I'm coming I'm coming out of from an entirely different perspective and I'm reading what people are saying and it's like. You know if if that's all you're doing that that's all you're doing on a date. Well then. How's that you know how's that any different. And what has been going on for millennia. With prostitutes. You know it's still. OK so so are great so I went on a date with a guy met on fumble he took me a dinner. And then I went home with him. And I basically. A prostitute is that what you're saying. Because that is. I am floored. Important. I don't here's the thing there's a difference in the mentality in the approach. From the standpoint of you don't see it that way. And but someone coming from outside and looking at the scenario saying. How is that really any different. And then those people need to just. Ages is what it I think that sex is such a normal. Seeing and I think that we're at the point in time where. It's just sex. If you wanna have it go habit that's fine. But therein lies the problem because it's not. Ultimately I mean the physiological changes that one goes through where mayor. In the act. It's meant to bond you with that person it's not meant to be something that you do and just walk away from. I mean with the various chemicals whether it's you know serotonin levels and all sorts of things. The change I mean it's it's designed to bond you with that individual and by breaking that bonding. You're you're setting yourself up for. And good things. I don't think I finally put all of my thoughts into a cohesive set and I just don't. I don't Biden has to be a bad thing and I think they'd. Being in that mindset. Aids. Being in the mindset. If I really hating the thought rent your mind that if I go on a date with this guy and then he takes me home that I. Basically just like an. They're in they're doesn't have to be any thing. I don't it I have a emptive bit it and and again we're talking with Kylie more from Charlotte agenda here in Carolina focus about millennial marriage. And having children you know all kind of dovetails together it in the sense. But you know I was reading an article that today and you probably have seen this about this. Fell he's got a Netflix show. Aziz ansari Barry ago thank you thank you and reading about that and I guess that's what really. That's what really struck me you know that was kind of like the defining article. It's said to me. What no wonder people are are dissatisfied no wonder. You know people. Are finding themselves in situations where you know all that's on comfortable or that's quote unquote bad sex. And there's and animosity. Because is. What's being done is. Not conducive to good relationships. What piqued people's expectations. In alarms to go and do this well it's just sex well if you take that attitude. You can expect to have unpleasant. Results but I also if you're not in the mindset. Of our relationship if you're out looking for relationship. Then. I think it's just the slick physical need that needs to be. Satisfied they just don't think it. I don't think always passed. And be something bigger or her. Something anybody should be ashamed of is just it literally is. I just don't think past. And I don't even know how we got here I'm not sure either but I have no idea. I just think that looking at it. And such like shameful. Lite is more damaging. Then. Not have it. Then then you know being left without satisfying relationship with peppers and. Well I think I'd like to say I think it makes it much more difficult. Because news you know it and we've talked about this a little bit. Touched on it you know men and there are there viewing pornography line. And that debt then becomes their expectation. Win their date. In the fall so expect to how Smart and I go to market and but it. But it it you know but it's but it sets up an unrealistic expectation that can never be met. And you know that the casual nature. They're gonna they're gonna take advantage. But so. We we do it's it. Late I don't think that we. You know if if we watched porn I don't think they. I mean I know I don't think at all that we would have that is unrealistic expectations about tapping on the screen. We absolutely it's not just neck and like it's not like the men are taking advantage of the women in this casual situation. The women are doing it too. IE. Got into it with. And put the diet bar. A friend. We were discussing menace and he was so appalled. That women do the same things men do. They just don't like it when it happens to. Mean in so far as casual yet sure casual nature because. They I think that there is this expectation of if that guy sleeps with her she's gonna be very attached to him. When in reality. There's a very good possibility that when she sleeps with you. She doesn't care she doesn't need you again she doesn't have to call you and their shock when that happens. So the men take advantage of it but so do the women. And it's it just is what it is. And it's. It's time that we do we do we break for a minute or so. Will will recoup here on Carolina focus. And continue our conversation with Kylie war about little spill and dating. And just where it's all heading with children. And you know is there going to be another generation. After them when meals are gonna have enough children to repopulates irks. But that's not what that your sense. Mark Thomas your post you're glad you could join us here at Carolina focus. And it is reports on the news eleven tonight united. Three WBT. 1079 the linked to 10256. WFMC. It's also available to podcast at WBT dot com. Stick around we're be back with highly more. Okay. You are listening to Carolina focus on who's 1110993. To be between 1079 milling. 10256. WS Lindsay also available to podcast that WPP dot com. I'm your host mark policy in some ways you can join us here this morning we're continuing our conversation with. Hi we bore you Charlie agenda about fumble on meals and marriage and children which we also dipped into the the dating. Angle and how that may have or have not have an impact fallen. Millennial marriage patterns. And though we're gonna continue our conversation now. It what. And of course it's got places I really aren't paying an idea good morning I didn't really expected necessarily to go there either no but you know we we we talked about the dating aspect of it but do you think. There to the lack of commitment when it comes to. Millennial and dating might be. An underlying current as to why. There is less of a desire to make a commit a long term commitment to something like Mary. And I don't know I know I'm good though because it's. I and you are gonna. And I feel at this IE it takes a lot to get me to commit to one person. And that that doesn't mean that I'm like dating a thousand people. But. I have this like strong here. Settling down. And but that's not to say that that's gonna wreck. My chance of getting married I think that just went nine to commit to that person it's gonna be. Just. I think you have to be totally sure about something frequent and I think that's why people wait so. Because they need they're so many people to get through before you meet this person. The actually committed so I don't think it. But to retrieve people actually date. With the idea of going through a in. A row and rituals probably too strong a word. But going through but I don't know mating dance or something like that where is it the ultimate goal in dating. Sign up for is to find that person. But do you think's the casual nature. Of the dating apps like I say does this. Allow people. To engage in you know frivolous date. That was pointless you know it's pointless we're not this is gonna go anywhere we're just gonna offer any. At that I think that's I don't think there's an eight applicant is seeking prompt that either. Because if you don't date you don't data around you don't. You know go on dates with people that you might not you you know you kind of know it isn't gonna go anywhere. Their lessons to be learned with everything and dean by yourself and the person you want and what you want what you don't want what self while he won't settle for. Hi Def really think that they're. I think that frivolous dating is a good thing. Actually especially you know in my mid twenties that's weird. In my opponent can I needed to at least everybody who's older and their level but and how anxious find. It's it's fun because you meet all these people. And you meet people through these people and some of my best friends in the city of come from. Somebody that I dated. So I think it officially stating is. So it's also it's somewhat of a form of networking. I guess so but I think so I think that there's there's the frivolous aimed at and there are also. Go through phases. The frivolous fine let's offered shrinks. And then I think that that definitely panic it's Ole and then you're like OK maybe a little more selective with who like outweigh it. And end. The people that I do out with Alan I got people that I wanna know more genuinely know more about. And genuinely. Want to kind of see where it goes. Source also distillation process. Yeah we're as you keep refining. And you keep running it back through yeah who's gonna who's gonna past the next test yes Lleyton. Like when I first started dating out of content. My early when Chinese state early twenties my hate like last serious relationship I had all these things that I thought I want it. That the that person had then and then I started dating and I just frivolously day honestly I don't want any of this I want all of this a little of that. They're so much to. Learn and do and then you just keep keep. You gate keeper finding you keep marrying your search down. So is someone who's in their mid twenties you're not you not hit the age where. Even southern women on average are getting married. Because a lot livelier I mean you I think you said it was what 27. Yet via. Women are getting married at 26 points set and on average. But I mean I I saved up but I feel like every kind especially at a Christmas every day open FaceBook or answer grammar whatever. Someone is engaged. So. I'm like. Fear I've finally as I've hit that phase in my life the first wave of marriages. Definitely. You're seeing a lot of that among the people you know yes and I actually I've been asked. Listen really through I get asked warm by strangers then my own family and friends why am not married yet. Which. Is that's a little bit. That seems to be a few das Mia said yep you know when you're gonna get married yes. And have you found the right point yeah yes you know that's sort of thinking you know yes I would die when I'm gonna die without created overlay you don't yeah. Why have a dog what argue why big. And that's older for. Yeah I've had I had I get asked more by. Strangers. Bend my own family went away. And getting married when I wanna get married when I wanna have kids. It acts. Relax now you say strangers. I guess define what you mean by a stranger. But what I what I fall in that category no notes that there was I have an askew so you know. Well ask me in the policies so there was a guy that I met through a work event that later found me online social media. And just apparently they could not wrap his header on the fact that high. What is. Single he sent me a message never forget this because obviously screen shot at it and sent it to every friend hoops. You have oops I men don't send things that you know will get screened shot so. He said. You know your ear and your twenty's YE weren't you. Marrying gauged it right out of college like the rest of your car and you persevere kind of the rest of my tiny. And usually yell wiring you. You know why having easily done night ends. To find. It and I know you. But you know if I was gonna dignify this with a response it would be. Because I am having fun. But no I definitely am in that first wave it and kinda getting to the point where I am link guys and MI. But. What you know and in you you say that in I'm I'm not going to serve. Well maybe I am kind of agreeing in in reinforcing that because it sometimes. You know people say what you know what's wrong with the rest of the world well. You know it's not the rest of the world but if that does have it's not it's also it's in India yeah. Yeah. So you're yours starting to fuel. An external pressure yeah that some Gregory yeah. Even though you haven't found. Someone that you really think he would wanna commit to yet haven't found anyone away. It's panicked. Except down eyes and so why not. Mean it. There were I guess were putting Kiley on the couch here and more with Charlotte agenda. You know what is it about you know what would have been the deal breakers I know one of the things you said initially on our dating conversation was our only that he does not Paula. No good lord knows some on honestly some of the most attractive men smear shorter than me because they're so competent. And I think that is that justly. Blows my mind when. Men it then it's I'm 511. Closer to six foot and dare think guys they're like. I'm 510 like he got ill but then their thing guys that are 5859. We'll go out for him link. This company put on my heels kind of pot so. Says no it's not the height being. But what have some heartbreaking to deal breaking things that they're saying you know and I'm not asking you to name names now to Donna and privileges on all the odds are. I hope they're listening. In religion has been a big. Deal breaker. And not exercise. I did I have a problem with religion. It's more than this person was. Too religious for mean it was a religion it. On. And I'll take the heat for this line. I think causes a lot of damage. An eight. Drove away edged through a relationship. An and craziest girlfriends have then. Deal breakers. I'm just like not gonna deal with it on. I find it in I might find that interest in from the standpoint that you know how you Leo he's crazy ex girlfriend's. Let's not that I knew the ambler that the yeah. If it's not that I know meet their their particular dating but anyway yeah it's not that I need then it's day. With the men have met that. Yeah I also don't know. You'd be just barely. Michael Bourn and your side it's like keeps pushing keeps pushing to sleep doesn't. Does and you know it just causes problems and high. And just that'll. Of the patients for. Their deal breakers. My mom's isn't too picky. So let's hope it. The posters are supposed to laugh at that comment on. I get to happily backhand glee TV after the plane we get we could through hunt. What else has then a deal breaker. Personal style has been deal breaker before personal style yeah. How he dresses has been in the deal breaker. Like a guy showed up for first state in. That T shirt and sneakers. And it just and what I you know I think it depends on where you go. Dreamy you're gonna go for a hike in the mountains it was not a hike in and I can demo so Nolan but that's no I shut up and like a nice letters tunes. Pants you buy it like honey. I was not and a teacher and sneakers we were inferring that he had if announces that it. Do you see your other millennial having the same issues that you do yes this may be not specifically. Those specific points but. You know using those things to say that's not good enough I'm gonna keep on walking. Yes I think that we all do that. I think that we. I mean I'd I'd definitely do that thing you have. An aspect of your life that you can lean back I'm gonna this is why we work. And I bring an out every single time. I'm bored quarter. You're getting tickling me. And fall back on the sixties can't say excuse they don't know that it's an excuse. But I don't go public eye I don't wanna not be able to use and the abuser okay. But it. No. I have friends that do the same kind of thing I think it every wine. Every one has its Shalit things. Today. They're gonna use that excuse to get out of four. So that's what's keeping a lot of mullah meals from take in the Portland area. Yes I mean personally. And in my friend group yes no. The chick. The idea of having children to me this is something that women of you know. Whether or not they wanted to have children. You know generally in the in the last you know. Several decades last a hundred years let's say there's been a delay your people have been delaying women for in particular having children. It's been getting older and older and older. And then of course I guess maybe about thirty or forty years ago we heard a lot about the biological clocks ticking and that is so I'm I'm from either don't get married and have a kid I'm news is not gonna happen because at some yet. I'm not going to be able to GAAP. Our millennial women going through that same sort of biological clock thing now do you think that's driving the marriages hence to have the kids. I know because we don't need it. We don't need to be married have a baby we don't need a man to I mean we need you know a man that we don't need. A relation to have a baby beacon. Did on our on site and I don't think that. That view. Getting married have the babies. Is that. That imported Emmy people that you know aren't married definitely have babies before they even consider being married. So no I don't think that drives that at all. Do you think more O'Neal's. Again you said earlier that a year you're kind of surprised the number of men. Who want to have children. Yes. I thought it went as a surprise. So I've been on the fence packets for public. Both as long as I can remember and I thought that that would make. Meeting. Somebody easier. And I just always kind of instantly it was women want kids and not men but it. And they're definitely has been men that. You know the it comes it's somehow comes up and it's not like serious conversation you just in. Passing. And there is there's one there's one person that. Misunderstood me immensely you don't want kids. Because we're like in the car he is like. Because it's not like you're right in here. Actually really why it's like edit that just isn't at all what IA. Thought it would be like aches and now I'm kind of finding it. Being on the fence at kids think maybe not wanting them. Actually kind of makes it harder to find somebody to. Settle down with them long currently get just. That isn't how I thought it was going to be. Well I think you know it it's him implicit almost if you know if if you do get married you have children. That you know there's some sort there's going to be owe him a lifelong bond as long as that child is not a death. Did your urine each other you if you've got something common yep you know and it's called a person. And that's so from that standpoint what you do that you're always going to you talk about ex girlfriend's Wheldon and yeah. The parents of my children you know the person that helped me make this baby. They're always going to be around yeah kernels of whether the courts say you have a divorce or not. Yeah I always wonder if in the dating world what it's like to date somebody with a child. You've not done that I've not done that I don't want to do. That. It seemed like there would be some unnecessary pressure. Especially once you met the child so I won't do it I don't wanna do it. If they would do it if like I just was blown away by this person. But I ape I imagine it adds. A lot of unnecessary. Stress. Early on when you're dating someone. In rhetorical currently more with Charlotte agenda about when meals and marriage in their attitudes towards marriage and their attitudes towards children. Artists say I think I'm out I'm like you all a little surprised that. Millennial men would have. The seemingly greater desire to have children. Tough job creator well it didn't use the reason I say that when you when we finish this spot because I think it's critical. We see a lot of things being written about millennial men and their level of your responsibility. And grown up adolescents. Which would tend to make one think they're not gonna be responsible enough to wanna have kids they'd rather play video games and sit on the county need to beg to read news. Yeah but it and that's that's I would definitely impacted areas. Right now. But I. What was what was ray does yeah that's a path that yes but good you know we've we've seen that in the lack of commitment on the part of men. Millennial men in holding jobs you know the the quintessential you know he's living in his mom's basement. Kind of mental image that we see for so many millennium and it's not true for everybody I know I'm so over those images there's not. It's just like this giant stereotype. It. They'll think. Is the case that the time and definitely indicates some of the time but not most of the time. But. So I guess from that standpoint you know the idea that they would wanna have kids. Is a little bit surprising death in in the overall scheme of things and like be sure of it. One. That's like what I struggle. The idea that people can be so sure such a Hague. Idea. It's surprise when. I mean it but it's one of those things in you know careers. And we don't necessarily. Choose to see exactly. You know when we're gonna fall in love. You know her her job choices are sometimes thrust upon us were taken away from us. With or without our consent so you know things change that make people decide well amended you know engage and take this particular life wrote if you will. And your surprise that I in as I mentioned earlier you know I'd I didn't know what I wanted to do as far as career goes. I have an inkling but you know that has changed so dramatically over the years. But I'm still married to the same woman that. I got married to you know. Back in 1977. And so that hasn't changed and that's been the one constant and from my perspective that's been the one thing. Without that I don't know where I'd be yeah quite frankly. You know who have the support structure comes along with the with a with a marriage. With all the problems that you get into. From long term standpoint at least for men it's a very healthy thing. Yeah your life expectancy for men who never married he is not is not. Not great. There's a lot of a lot of downside that comes along with that so I think there's you know there are some benefits to marriage. In particular for men. That they may or may not even be aware of but have some sort of you know. Genetically you know encoded. Desire to to follow through with speaker is long term that's what's gonna be good for yet. So do you think you're morial matter operating on loan fundamental. Biological level in that respect. Meaning does it have to be it's as though it. They get a very appropriate and the guys at some points just instinct. I guess to do it today to commit and settled down. It's just the what I can't get passes that. You know I've seen. When you talked like irresponsible it men I see them. There's this I have this these friends that got married and he was just like this on Timo bachelor and you know he's got really cared candidate shoulders. On. And they just had a baby. And he just like has done this one ED. And he's just totally different person now. And seven but I guess that's all instinct. I guess you know wanting to have a baby with that person that you find. It's just like the next logical step. And of course now he's taken on the protector role. You know BO a leader of a family yes that he's created yes so all of a sudden he went from being as you say the irresponsible bachelor model yeah. To. Ward we've dad yeah but yes. If I can if I could use that it is that a is that a reference that most people get with the millennial I'm 90% sure that that's leave it to be there could yes it is this is leaving the theater. Beaver cleaver yes it hurt our exit. Perfect nuclear family exactly yeah and of course you know even back then you'd eat that lose you know. Idyllic in the fantasy. Go families are. My dad never wore a tie coat tie to do the human. I think it's it wasn't on the Vienna a cookbook but it when he got only resorted to get rid of the tide yet you know put out some casual you know put on it the sheer Tanya you know your mom likes and your school at. A full stomach of waffles artists use only on certain days via only on certain days that was the that was the exception rather than the rule yeah. Yeah Kylie more appreciate you being here at Carolina focus has always its interest thing. Yeah to delve into. The minds of at least one millennial. And see where things are going. Four society and the future the future of the world you know pressure no pressure at all you're the future of the world that's where. Thanks guys thank you you have been listening to Carolina focus on new 1110993. Deputy BT 1079 the way. 105610. WFANC. Also available podcast that fifty feet T dot com. I'm your host mark Thomas so glad you could join us then until next time you well.
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